The Andromeda Strain -- or the Strain of watching this crap

I am almost convinced that anything that Rick Schroder is in is now doomed to be a piece of crap. His track record has been falling short recently... anything from his last performance in 24 (that bad season before the strike that made me happy we skipped a season), the TERRIBLE film that came out awhile ago (Journey to the Centre of the Earth) and now this remake of a great film.

Seriously, these remakes have to stop -- there is no reason in remaking the classics if the writers are destroying the original story. I `d really like to know if the film or script was approved by Crichton -- I am pretty sure that he will not be happy with how things turned out.

I think the thing that surprises me the most, is that it started off well and was pretty much on the money for the first part of the series, it was really last night that it went way off into left field and I honestly had no idea what the frack they were doing with the story. Not even the subtle `coming out` of the Major Bill Keane character (`Don`t ask - Don`t tell`) was not enough of a modernization to make it interesting, nor was it even necessary. Some things are better left off as they were -- I am completely and utterly disappointed with this whole debacle.

American Gladiators -- Now with extra Gladiators!

The second season of the `New & Improved` American Gladiators has been kicking some serious butt since it came back a couple of weeks ago. Hopefully the ratings will be going up after the past couple of weeks of `so-so` performances (due to stuff like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars) and we will be in for several more seasons of the show. I am not sure if it`s because it takes a bit of time to warm up to the characters (they are all new after all), but Crush and Toa (pictured-- what a man!) have been gaining points with me each week for their great performances. Crush is beautiful and tough as nails, and Toa is one big beefy tattooed hunk of a man that has a certain look that I find very appealing...

They have been adding some events this year, and Rocketball looks like too much fun (seriously-- I would love to try that one out) and I like some of the other games like Skytrack and Tilt and stuff like Vertigo that I checked out on the Australian version of the game.

I think it`s great that they also have a few smaller guys as Gladiators now (Zen and Rocket), making the games more accessible for smaller guys ( small being relative, most of the guys are still hulking beasts) and making it more about different strengths. The smaller Gladiators are used for the challenges that involve speed and it`s a nice balance to see on the show. The fun thing is that each week they are introducing new Gladiators, and each one seems to blend in well with the crew, and the challenges are getting harder and harder.

Season Finales - Waiting for next season

Desperate Housewives managed to save a difficult season with a fantastic finale... not only did we get lots of dirt on Katherine (and finally got the real story behind her secret), but we saw more bonding between our ladies, and I really liked the wives banding together to save Katherine after she kills her psycho ex-husband. Wisteria Lane holds many secrets.... and having the right friends can make such a difference.

I loved the whole "flash forward" ending and the new possibilities that it brings to the storyline.... and wonder if it was a glimpse into the future or where things start off next season. I am completely hooked on Gaby being a mom (to twins?) and some of the possibilities that we saw.... and need to know what the hell happened to Mike. Good work there Mark Cherry-- you got me hooked again.

Bones ended the season with a quick wrap up of the Gormogon storyline that was too convenient for my taste.... I loved the whole fake death at the beginning (and Bone's reaction to finding out the truth)... and was right into all the red herrings that were being thrown around implicating Sweets and Hodgins as possible apprentices to the killer. When all was said and done (and blown up)... it seems that Zach was the apprentice (what???) and that part of the story is tied up.... only I see some huge dangling plot twist that has the skeleton disappearing the same time that Zach gets hurt -- so I don't see how he did it and still think that Sweets is involved. There is still something that doesn't sit right with this story and I want more closure. I am sure this will be followed up next year. Now hopefully next year we get more scenes of Booth & Bones chatting in the bathroom ... Booth was looking pretty damn fine in that tub.... but is that anyway to treat a comic book?

Dancing with the Stars finished up pretty much how I thought it would, the only difference being that I wanted to see Marissa in the final 3 and not Cristian.

The Finale was typical of season's past, the judges award the same score to the 2 final couples (why bother? it makes no difference) and it all comes down to how the viewers voted. Kristi went in to the finale with a perfect score, and had the highest overall scores that they have ever seen on the show.... so for me it was pretty much a done deal that she would win. There was that small outside chance that the public could have voted in droves for one contestant, but I think the judges would have tried to balance things out if that was the case.

I do get a tad tired of these " Walk of Shame" moments that all the competition shows do as they celebrate those who fallen in competition... but it was a trip to see some of the dancers again (and you still ask why some of them were there from the beginning as they look so out of place, sorry Monica) and it was nice to see that lots of the previous dancers from season's past were around to see the action. It's a feel good show, and I was happy to see Mark win as well, he is such a cute guy.
Congrats to Kristi & Mark for a great season, and I am looking forward to the next one!

Weekend Rant -- End Games

Our wacky season (seriously-- a strike year is not a good thing) is wrapping up... and even with the abbreviated seasons and feast or famine situations, there was some decent story telling this year. Maybe this year was one to force the actors and writers to do their best possible in trying times, but I still feel cheated in many ways and really hope that we don't have another one of these situations again for quite awhile. Amen to that.

Dancing with Stars broke my heart this week with the elimination of Marissa, but I can hardly wait to see the Finale this week and watch Kristi win the trophy. This has been one of the best seasons ever.

Samantha Who? ended the first season well, and I am glad it has been picked up for next year, the chemistry between the characters gets better and better each week and I love the flashbacks to "bad Sam" and the continual struggle to do the right thing.

Medium was different this year, but had tons of interesting elements and after all is said and done things seem to be more back to the status quo of season's past. Maybe it was an experimental season, but I enjoyed it and happy that it will be back again next year.

American Gladiators hit the screen again this week, and not only do I love the new games (Rocket Ball rules!) and the new Gladiators (long and lean is so sexy...) but I am concerned about having a pregnant Layla Ali so close to the action. This show is too much fun.

Farmer wants a Wife continues to be the Guilty Pleasure of the moment, and besides the trashy psychotic girls (yeah-- we found your address on one of the magazines and we are stalking you), it has had some really bad innuendo thrown in. "Sorry to have hit you with my big wood" says Farmer before letting one of the city girls go. The fighting between the girls is getting all out of hand (those slutty church girls) and it is just plain insanity.If Matt wasn't kind of cute and some of the girls weren't kind of okay this would be like watching some really BAD VH1 dating show....

Smallville ended this season with lots of stuff blowing up (as usual) and more angst than should be allowed on any TV show. It was all pretty dull and predictable, and my hope is that Lana is gone for good, Clark finally gets it on with Lois and that they find a decent villain to replace Lex. I am not sure how the show can make it with out Michael (Lex).... he simply made that character into one of the best versions ever. I think it's fine time that they give Clark a spine and get him to start being the hero that he is destined to be.. besides if they are in the final season then go for broke. Thank god Chloe is back next season.

Supernatural did a season finale as it should be done -- great story, fantastic cliffhanger ending and the visuals were astounding. I wonder if we could get these writers to take over for Smallville for it's final season and give Clark some balls? The brothers were spot on (as usual), Lilith is the scariest kid ever on TV (yikes!) and I loved seeing the struggle to try to save Dean. Here's hoping some one gets out Hell real quick-- it doesn't look like fun at all.

There is still more to come over the next 2 weeks -- and then all the new summer stuff that is on it's way.... including my favorite " So you think you can Dance?" and more of the insanely funny Kathy Griffin. For every ending there is a new beginning... or some kind of crap like that.

Dancing with the Stars - Semi Finals

The Final Four took to the dance floor last night, and while maybe not the first choice of the Judges, I am still pulling for Marissa & Tony to go to the finale next week and in all honesty I am hoping for Cristian to hit the road. Usually if a contestant is injured, they are removed from the competition, and while I admire that Cristian and his partner (the every demanding Cheryl) are trying, Cristian is still too limited in his movement and I DO NOT applaud the Judges in their giving him high scores... this is just silly and pandering to him. Let`s have some full dances and turns for a change, and Cristian always looks like Bambi caught in the headlights at the beginning of each dance and it`s simply not cute any more at this point.

Jason & Edyta are still doing well, and they did some nice performances last night, but the couple to beat is still Kristi & Mark. They are doing the hardest and most complex routines, and the Judges are being too critical on the tiny details, especially when they are doing tons of moves the other competitors would not even attempt.

I think it`s time our Judges got off their high horses and gave them a break-- seriously.

So-- I hope Cristian hits the road- and that next week it`s a battle between Kristi, Jason and Marissa for the Mirror Ball trophy. Good luck Marissa!

Survivor: Micronesia - End Game

Survivor: Micronesia ended out a great season with more twists and turns. I actually like that they went back to the `Final 2 ` concept (it was harder splitting the final votes 3 ways), and I was pretty much happy with the outcome. I was hoping that Amanda would win, but it appears that she is suffering from Bridesmaid syndrome. She did get Ozzy as part of the game... so she can`t be complaining that much.... I sure as hell wouldn`t.

I knew as soon as they said it would be going down to the final 2 that Cirie would be the next to go. Natalie was the obvious first elimination as the girls were pretty strong about keeping their original alliance together.... but I did feel bad for Cirie and know who badly she wanted to win. She tried hard, and if she had gone to the finale she probably would have won. Amanda was smarter in choosing Parvati... but she didn`t think that some of the jury would appreciate how Parvati played (and she was ruthless) and ultimately made everyone know who the better player was.

I have to agree that this was one of the better seasons so far -- and I loved how the girls took control and bounced those big strong guys out one after another. Here`s hoping the next season will be even better (and it will be great having another round in Africa) and I can hardly wait to see one of my favorite shows in HD. Congrats Parvati!

Weekend Rant - Playing Catch Up

The Couch Potato had a real busy week, and have not had any time to post this week so this is probably going to be the busiest rant I have done in ages..

Start your engines:

Survivor:Micronesia proved once again that in this game you never know what is going to happen. Erik honey, you can run but you can't hide the fact that you made the biggest blunder in Survivor history (much to Jame's joy-- he finally loses that title) by believing that he could give away Immunity to win votes. Ummm is this an episode of Smartest Model? Erik was worked over by all the girls (except Parvati, who seems to think she is on vacation) and my money is on Cirie winning the whole thing but my choice is Amanda who has played a great game. That girl has been working it left, right and centre the entire game. If they don't get rid of Amanda next council, she might steal the crown.... so I think that Cirie will try to get Amanda out. If that fails, bye to Natalie (and the last Fan). This season has been great and I was howling with laughter as Erik got played at council.... even Jeff found it amusing. All will be revealed tonight, and there is no way I am missing the finale and reunion, I can hardly wait to see Erik get raked over the coals a bit for his "stoopid move". I mean seriously-- a chance to be in the final 4 and you give that up? Seriously? sigh...... but we do have the first all female finale.. sharpen your claws....

Dancing with the Stars had me having kittens after the performances on Monday and apparent bad scores for Marissa & Tony. I was breathing a sigh of relief and jumping for joy when she was put through to the semi-finals and was glad it was Mario who got ousted. Now I am not sure if it was just me, but Karina was so blase about the whole thing (and had the total don't frack with me look on her face) and I see that some of the other female professionals are starting to get a bit tired of the whole thing. I am hoping to see Cristian eliminated next and
I am not really sorry to say but Cheryl is really starting to get on my nerves and I can't wait to see her leave. Edyta is the only female dancer that seems to have a decent attitude (and who can't with her yummy partner Jason) and the male dances seem to be hanging in better. I still think that Kristi & Mark are going to win it all.

The 100th episode celebration was interesting-- I loved seeing Mel & Maks again (they have such great chemistry) and it was an interesting trip seeing the evolution of the series (and thankfully they glossed over some of the really bad ones quickly) but I found it interesting to see that our year one winner seems much less qualified compared to our current competitors. Kelly was okay.. but she wouldn't have made it past the first couple of weeks if she was competing now. They have got to find some way of getting Sabrina back on the show -- she was eliminated way before her time and I am still dying to see more.

Lost knocked another ball out of the park with more time discrepancies relating to the Island (the doctor on the freighter finding out his fate before it happens was freaky), but more of the back history of John, and besides finding out the he was a premature baby born to a single teenage mother, there was the surprising guest appearances and tests with Richard (does that guy ever age?) that were designed to see if he was the chosen one. I loved John's artwork of a smoke type monster that was attacking a guy.. very vivid imagination for a child. Later there was more of the mysterious Mr. Abaddon and some inspiration to John to go on his infamous walkabout that brought him to Oceanic Flight 815, and then this repeating scene and the revelation that Jacob's cabin was built by a mathematician (very interesting considering the unique properties of the Island) and said cabin currently houses Christian (Jack's Dad) and in a strange twist of events , Claire (his illegitimate daughter)... it's all very freaky and interesting stuff but what is going on with Claire?

And this thing about it is now time to move the Island ...

What?? My head is going to explode with all the players, shakers and movers .. what about the soldiers who want to kill all of them? What about Jack and the others on the beach and not really aware of the danger? and dammit there are only a couple of episodes left until the end of this season... arghhh!

Weekend Rant - May Sweeps

Farmer wants a Wife kicked off this week, and if the first episode is any indication, I know that I have found another Guilty Pleasure that had me in minor fits of hysteria from the moment it started.

First of all, Farmer (Matt), is a pretty good looking, good old boy who likes to farm (shirt and underwear free), has abs for days, and now suddenly has 10 ladies ("city folk") after his hot ass.

The majority of the girls are way out of their element, but there are a couple that stand out, and it has the makings of a great, trashy show. My picks for the Farmer are Brooke and Christa as they seem to have some chemistry already... Kanisha is trying real hard and seems to be quite interested in Matt, and the biggest joke has to be Josie. I don't think the farm needs another cow...

Besides seeing the girls trying to deal with farm life (and lose those pumps quickly girls, they aren't practical for walking through fields), we got the best elimination ever..... can you believe that the girls need to check under their chicken to see if they have an egg to find out if they are still in the running to be the wife??? Too hilarious... it certainly contrasts your typical "Rose Ceremony" or the Torches on Survivor and added another quaint element to the show. Hopefully enough people will tune in so we can see the whole thing play out.

Lost continues it's season with another outstanding episode. This week's Jack-centric episode was another complete mind-frack, with seeing more of future Jack & Kate, the dilemma of Aaron, Jack's dead dad popping up to visit with both Jack and his " no one knows that she is his daughter also " Claire.... it was all another surreal experience that convinces me more and more that the Island is some sort of a nexus for time and space... we had more references to Alice in Wonderland and I wonder if some one needs to go back through the rabbit hole to change things or to get home. I was surprised that suddenly Jack didn't have a hairy chest (I think this has something to do with his participation in the Speed Racer film) and it was relative to the whole surgery thing... but continued in the flash-forward? It doesn't seem like his personality to have to do all that manscaping but at least were treated to some more hot make out scenes with Kate and Jack. Poor Kate... all those hot make out scenes with Jack and Sawyer-- what's a girl to do? (except wear pants?)

Jack's appendicitis and surgery with Juliette was interesting, but it was more the participation of Rose and Bernard this episode that got me excited. We haven't seen much of either of them this season, and per usual Rose was the big voice of reason and she wants to know that if the Island seems to be a place of healing then why was Jack sick? Good question... and I wonder if they are leading up and beginning to explain why only some of them (the Six) get off the Island -- others stay to live as they know that they can't live in the real world. Locke, Rose and others know that for the grace of the Island they are still alive.... and that leaving is becoming less and less an option.

There is still something big going on with Claire.... her visions of dad and disappearing tonight, as well as the messages to Jack that he is not supposed to raise Aaron all tie into the first season when Claire was told that she had to raise her child (by the psychic who freaked out) or there would be hell to pay.... I keep thinking that if the Island is some sort of nexus that maybe time is more fluid and that events can be changed... as they have been hinted at before with Desmond and Daniel. God this show just sucks me in and gets my head spinning...

Survivor: Micronesia pulled off it's best episode of the season with Amanda finding that damn hidden Immunity Idol, and pulling it out at the last minute to save her ass and get Alexis eliminated. Poor James got booted due to medical reasons (rough season this year) and poor Erik is the last boy standing. The claws are coming out and I am hoping that Cirie's days are numbered, that woman was cold and evil this week and has not one decent bone in her body if she can turn off her Nurse instincts as easy as that ..... yikes!

I had to check out Ugly Betty this week just to see Christian Siriano milk his Project Runway fame for another 30 seconds and found him bland and repetitive. (Fierce is so over and he has the gall to call Rebecca a "hot tranny mess" when she isn't really a tranny but plays one? Puhleese.... )

Nina Garcia as his "handler" was brilliant and she stole the show, and had the best lines of the evening. We all know who the real star is -- someone get the Nina a better deal.

Now that would be fierce. snap snap snap